When a woman grows up and moves out of the house to create her own family - her own life - if she's lucky, she can look back and say "My mom was my best friend".
I feel doubly lucky. I didn't wait until I left home to realize this fact. I always knew my mom was my number one best friend, greatest supporter, and number one teacher. If I am half the mother to my children that my mother was to me, then I think I can be proud.
I lost my mother eleven years ago. I was twenty-two years old, barely a mother myself, and absolutely not ready to be 'motherless'. There was so much I still wanted to learn from her. How to make her homemade stuffing at Thanksgiving. How to fold those damn fitted sheets. How to talk to my daughter when she was old enough to ask the tough questions. How to stick it out when things get tough.
So, why am I writing about her today?
My daughter is doing a fund raiser for school. Selling candy and gift wrap. I was sitting here, flipping through the catalog, and saw a box of peanut brittle. One word rushed to my mind.
Mom.
Mom loved peanut brittle... and ginger snaps... and pickled pig's feet (but we won't go there). And just seeing a box of that particular candy brought her to mind and tightened my throat with a massive wave of missing her.
Most people think of the loved ones they lost around special dates... their birthday, the holidays, the day they died... but I think of Mom in the little things. The small moments that you don't realize mean so much until there are no more of them.
My father, after eleven years of being alone, recently found a woman who put the sparkle back in his eyes and the life back into his smile. And I couldn't be happier. I liked her from the moment I first talked to her, and my kids ADORE her. But, it wasn't her pleasant personality or the way she looked at my dad that made me like her.
When I went to visit, my mother's pictures were on the shelf.
Why is this important? I say my father was alone for eleven years, but the truth of it is he did become involved with a woman for a short period of time that wrecked him. She was more words than I want to express and I don't want to waste my time even talking about her. The worst thing she did was try and erase my mother from my father's life. My parents were married for twenty-seven years... you can't erase that. But she tried.
And therein lies the difference. My mother is back on the wall. She's back in the picture frames. And she's not a topic to be danced around.
My father told me that one day he had been outside - doing whatever - while Maureen was cleaning the kitchen. He told me he walked onto the porch and heard her talking. When he asked her who she was talking to, she told him "I was talking to Maxine. I was thanking her for making this house a home for you, and for loving you the way she did".
Beyond the photos... beyond all else... that was the moment I knew I would pray this woman never leave my father's life.
It's strange how this entry went from my mother to another woman. :-)
I believe that the greatest kind of love that lets you love another even when you are gone. Your love was such a gift, so pure, that you left the ones you love with enough peace to seek it again. My mom did that.
So, today, I'm thinking of my mom. I'm alittle melancholy, but I'm proud... proud to have been her daughter.
Gail